Funny Christmas cards

A funny card works when the joke is shaped like the person getting it. The pun for your dad, the dry one-liner for your sister, the gentle dig at your oldest mate that he will pretend to hate and then keep. These are the cards for people who would rather laugh at the table than sit through another round of polite tinsel. Pick one, write your own line inside so it sounds like you and not a cracker, and send it by email or text. Schedule it for Christmas morning and it turns up while they are still in their pyjamas, ready to be opened like an envelope. A good funny card is short, a bit daft, and kind underneath.

5 things to write inside

Swap in their name. Change anything that doesn’t sound like you.

  1. funny [first name], I got you a card instead of a present this year. Think of it as an experience. A short one. With a punchline.
  2. funny Merry Christmas, [first name]. I would say I hope Santa is good to you, but we both know what's on his list for you.
  3. funny [first name], this card is the exact value of the thing you were not expecting me to buy. You're welcome.
  4. funny Dear [first name], I've been told to say something heartfelt. Here it is: I'd still give you the last roast potato. Don't make it weird.
  5. funny [first name], another year, another Christmas where we both say we'll go easy on the pudding. See you at the pudding.

Questions people ask

How do I pick a funny Christmas card that won't land badly?

Think about what the person already laughs at, then pick the card closest to it. A joke about the way they always take over the barbecue works. A joke about something they are sensitive about does not, however fond you are. If you are unsure, go dry rather than sharp.

What do you write inside a funny Christmas card?

Keep it to one or two lines and make it about the two of you, not about Christmas in general. A shared memory, a long-running argument or a small true observation beats any joke you could find online. Finish on something warm so they know the teasing is affection.

Can I send a funny card to someone at work?

Yes, as long as you would say the line out loud in front of the whole team. Keep it light and about the season, the office coffee or the end-of-year slump, and avoid anything personal. Save the cheekier cards for people who already know your sense of humour.