Christmas cards for your brother
Brothers say 'love you' by taking the mickey. That is how you were raised, and it is not about to change in December. The card has to be in the same register: one cheap shot, one sincere line, and he can pick which he wants to remember.
It helps to be specific. Mention the car he never washed, the argument about the remote, the time he rescued you and pretended he had not. Whether he is across town or across the ocean, a link he can open on his phone, with your own words waiting inside, gets there before the present he forgot to post. Schedule it for Christmas morning, and he cannot say you forgot.
From the Favourite
Back Seat Rules
Board Game Casualty
Four Screens
Last Roast Potato
Mum’s Favourite
Present Audit
Sibling Headlock
Temporary Truce
The Good Chair
Vase Mystery
The Dishes
Customer Feedback
Batteries Not Included
Blame the Algorithm
Car Park Purchase
Damp Towel Energy
It’s the Thought
Late Vegetarian
Oven Tetris
Returns Desk
Smoke Alarm Carols
Sorry, In Advance
The Receipt Is Gone
Twelve for Lunch
Two Weeks Ago
Wrong Size, Wrong Colour
Dessert Photos
Last Prawn
Left the Group
Muted
Renamed Group
Thumbs Up
Unread Count
Who’s Bringing What
Wrong Chat
Festive as Fuck
Last Train Home
The Christmas Spreadsheet
The Fucking Wrapping
The HOA Sleigh Ban
Glad You're Well
No Hard Feelings
Still Civil
The Good Baubles
A Letter to Santa
An Honest Gift Tag
Context Matters
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10 things to write inside
Swap in their name. Change anything that doesn’t sound like you.
- sweet [first name], you are the person who knew me before I had a personality, and you still turn up. Merry Christmas. I mean that. Love you, mate.
- sweet [first name], merry Christmas. Thank you for every time you had my back and never mentioned it afterwards. Proud of you, mate. Love, your brother.
- sweet I was thinking about us as kids this morning, and how you let me tag along even when you did not want to. Thanks, [first name]. Merry Christmas.
- sweet Whatever happens next year, you are in my corner. That is not going to change. Merry Christmas, [first name].
- funny Merry Christmas, [first name]. I have bought you something you will love and I will deny it was me if it goes wrong.
- funny [first name], if you read this on Christmas morning, it means you are up before noon. Impressive. Happy Christmas.
- funny Dear [first name], this card is your present. Do not look at me like that. The thought counts, and the thought was 'what is the cheapest thing that still counts'.
- quiet Merry Christmas, [first name]. Glad you are my brother.
- quiet [first name], thanks for being around. Happy Christmas.
- rude [first name], you are still an idiot, but you are my idiot. Merry Christmas, you absolute muppet.
Questions people ask
What should I write in a Christmas card to my brother?
Write what you would say if you were not embarrassed. One dig, one thank you, and a reference only the two of you get. Brothers usually reply with a joke and mean the same thing, so you do not need to overthink it.
Is it okay to send a rude Christmas card to my brother?
If you two already roast each other, yes. Keep it affectionate and aimed at something he can laugh at, like his taste in music or his parking. Avoid anything about a real sore spot, such as a break-up or his job.
How do I make up with my brother in a Christmas card?
Keep it short and honest. Say you miss him, say Christmas made you think of him, and leave the door open without going through the whole argument. A small, plain note often does more than a long apology.