Christmas cards when you are missing someone

Christmas makes a gap louder. An empty chair, a recipe nobody else makes properly, a phone that used to ring early on the 25th. This page is for the card you send to a person who is missing the same someone you are, or to a friend you know is getting through the day carefully.

Nothing here tries to fix anything. A short, steady line usually does more than a long one: I'm thinking of you, I remember them, I'm here. Pick a card, write what is true, and send it as a link by email or text. You can schedule it for Christmas morning, so it turns up on the day itself, when it is wanted.

5 things to write inside

Swap in their name. Change anything that doesn’t sound like you.

  1. sweet [first name], I know there is an empty place at the table this Christmas. I'm thinking of you, and of them. You don't have to write back.
  2. quiet Thinking of you today, [first name]. And of them.
  3. sweet I remember them at this time of year, [first name]. If you want to talk about them today, I'd love to listen. If you don't, I'm here anyway.
  4. quiet [first name], I'm here. That's all.
  5. sweet Christmas is a lot with someone missing. I'm a text away today, [first name], for company or for quiet, whichever you'd like.

Questions people ask

What do you write in a Christmas card to someone who is grieving?

Keep it short and true. Say you are thinking of them, and of the person they miss, by name if you can. Skip the lessons, the reasons and anything that begins with 'at least'. If you can offer something small and real, like a phone call on Boxing Day, say so.

Is it okay to mention the person who has died in the card?

Usually it is welcome. Most grieving people spend Christmas wishing someone would say the name out loud. A line like 'I'm thinking of you and of Dad today' gives them permission to talk about him, or not. Let them decide how much to say back.

Should I send a card at all, or leave them alone this Christmas?

Send it. A card does not ask for a reply, and it tells them they were remembered. Scheduling it for Christmas morning means it arrives on the hard day, not a week early, and they can open it when they are ready.